It's Monday morning, November 26th and I pull myself out of bed at 5:45 AM to be able to get to the gym by 6:00 AM. I have an amazing workout... one of the five lifting workouts I plan to have this week. I feel energized and proud of myself for accomplishing this small task. I walk back home watching everyone in their freshly ironed, business-casual work clothes hustling purposefully to their parked cars or running to catch the next bus or train. All the while knowing that now it's been six months that I have not had the pleasure of having "a case of the Mondays"... And I'm truly jealous of all these people.
I was laid-off/fired last May from a job I really hated, and not just because it involved an hour and a half drive each way. I was miserable every single day and dreaded going into a job where I felt I was neither respected nor appreciated. It was actually a great sense of relief afterwards and it helped me realize that I never want to do that type of work again.
What I WANT to do is... And that's as far as I've gotten in six months. Now I feel incredibly lost, unmotivated, and very vulnerable. I constantly feel like I'm letting my family, friends, AND myself down, even though I know they do not feel that way. I've been extremely lucky to have had some incredible support from my boyfriend throughout this process, but I hate how much it has frustrated him, too, seeing me struggle.
All of this happens in my mind every single Monday morning when all my friends are rushing to get to work... And then again every single day of the week. I cannot wait to complain once again about "having to go into work Monday"... But maybe this next time I'll be extremely grateful for the opportunity to complain.
It's hard, I know. Coming onto 2.5 years, myself. Constantly wondering...do I change fields? At this point? To what? Who would I be competing with then, too? Take a short term thing? Some volunteer work with "potential"? Happiness is one thing, but bills are another....aaarghh. I applaud your work out regime, though!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anita! I miss you and hope we can see one another soon. Much love!
DeleteHang in there, Matt! I've been working at the same place for almost 28 years--were you even born yet?!--and I still hate Mondays. True story: I folded a t-shirt this morning that said, " . . . Live each day as if it were your last." And I thought to myself, if this were my last day on earth, I would most certainly not go to work.
ReplyDeleteAfter all this time, my career satisfaction still fluctuates, often inversely to the level of bureaucracy I'm facing.
It's a tough job market out there, and you are one of several in our circles that remains between jobs. But you're pretty talented and I imagine that you'll find something soon enough. I also imagine that you are wise enough to hold out for a job that you are more likely to find at least modestly satisfying. And there are lots of resources out there to help you decide what would be most rewarding, and then where to look from there.
BTW, you're a good writer--don't leave that out of your ideal job!
Best,
sd